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Secret Relationship (17 Ways To Have It With Someone)

by Sonya Schwartz

Forbidden fruits are the sweetest. You don’t believe me? ask Eve, she traded it for the garden of Eden. Secret relationships are almost like forbidden fruits. You know it’s not right, one will almost think it is “forbidden” to hide things from friends and family. But you do it anyway because it is one hell of an escape from reality and your little fantasy land. 

When a relationship is kept a secret, the excitement is even more. Don’t even get me started on the adrenaline rush. My God!  When you see your partner in public and act normal while thinking of how just the other day you screamed his name in ecstasy. 

Remembering the entire scenario in public, acting like everything is okay when all you can think of is dissing your friends secretly for another episode of hot steamy sex. Name better foreplay, I will wait!

What’s more, is that secret relationship strengthen intimacy. There are no outsiders, just you and your partner sneaking around and having a good time. In fact, keeping your relationship a secret gives you enough time to know each other and make informed decisions based on your feelings without input or influence from friends and family. 

However, if you want a public relationship, and your man-to-be wants his privacy, don’t bother going into the secret relationship. 

Secret relationships are hard work. It might be hard at the beginning, but If the idea of secret relationships appeal to you and your partner, and you both want to give it a try or you are already in one, this is the place to be. Here are 17 ways to have a secret relationship with someone.

How To Have A Secret Relationship With Someone

1. Effective communication

If you want your relationship to be secret, you need effective communication to keep it a secret. It is not a decision to be made by one partner. You both have to talk in detail about the relationship seeing as it is a special form. 

You both need to discuss actively and talk about everything. The dos and don’ts of the relationship. Effective communication goes a long way in determining the success of secret relationships. Ask questions about anything or whatsoever you are confused about. 

No, it’s not a stupid question if you ask if you can pat him on his back in public, neither is it a dumb question to ask. If this is a success, this guy could be your husband, so ask. Also, be sure to confirm that secrecy does not mean non-exclusivity in the relationship, just to know what you are getting into.

2. Mutually beneficial

In these relationships, you need to ensure that you benefit wholly from the arrangement especially if your partner is the one suggesting the secrecy of the relationship. It is important to evaluate the pros of secret relationships right from the beginning. 

Why do you want to keep it secret? Whatever his response is, ask yourself the following questions, “What will I benefit from this?” “Will this work for me?” “Will this arrangement be one-sided”. If yes, then this is not for you.

However, if you are both benefiting from it equally, with zero skeletons in your cupboard I.e. you both have no other relationship, then, by all means, carry on. Keep your relationship secret. Give yourself a chance at happiness.

3. Set a time limit

As much as you will love to live in Lala land and stay in your relationship bubble forever, it has to come to an end. You both have to discuss when to review the terms of the relationship. Healthy relationships should move forward and attain different levels. No relationship can remain a secret forever. The fantasy won’t last forever. This is why a time limit is important. 

So that at the end of it all, you can decide whether to continue with the secrecy or put an end to it. Remember, every good thing comes to an end, even keeping your relationship secret. Besides, remaining in secret relationships can be tasking and stressful on you and your partner, staying in it for a long time will take the fun away and make it look like a cycle of stress and draining task of hiding.

4. Don’t avoid him in public

Don’t avoid him in public

If you actively avoid your secret boyfriend in public, your friends will start to suspect you and they will want to know if he is your guy. And we both know women always know. What you do is act neutrally when you see him in public. 

If your paths cross, make eye contact and wave to say ‘Hi’. I know it is easier said than done, but this helps. If he does not look your way, then good. Running to the left when you see him coming from the right is a rookie move. You are not a rookie and rookies get caught. So, put on your game face and say hello if need be.

5. Take fewer pictures

This is among the first five ways of dealing with secret relationships for a reason. Taking fewer pictures is a good way to keep it secret. No proof, no case. Even if you both look good together, don’t fall for it. It is very tempting, but don’t leave picture proof. It might get out and you both don't want that to happen.

So instead, be present in every moment with your partner while you are together on your little dates and take it all in so you can keep the memories and cherish them.

6. Hidden folders

If you are like me and you are addicted to taking pictures of everything, including your last meal, then taking fewer pictures might be extremely hard for you. That is why there is this option.

The trick is to have hidden folders in your phone where you keep pictures of you and your boyfriend or videos of you on your vacations. But get ready to explain to your friends why you are smiling at your phone on a busy weekday at 1 pm.

7. Social media is not your friend

Social media is the opposite of everything a secret relationship is all about. If it’s on social media, you might as well remove the secret from the “secret relationship” and go-ahead to call it a relationship. Because that is what it is the moment you put it up. Everybody knows.

It takes one like or one retweet for it to go viral and now everyone is in your business. Friends and family calling you names because you hid the truth from them. So stay wise, be wise, and avoid social media.

8. Block everyone on social media

If you cannot do without posting the pictures because it makes your feed pop, or you both are just too cute, then remember to block all the people you know on the platform.

However, this is very risky as everyone sees everything on social media these days. You cannot hide anymore. The best thing is to adhere to not posting anything. But if you are a risk-taker and you understand the algorithms of social media, then, by all means, post your pictures and shut down the internet with them.

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9. Keep your relationship status off social media

It is honestly nobody's business that Peter Pan is in a relationship with Tinker Bell. As there is no box to tick on Instagram yet for Secret relationship, avoid posting anything about it on there.

The moment you change your status, you are both no longer in a bubble. You and your 2000 followers are now in the bubble together and that is not what we want. 

10. Cryptic Contact name

If you are in a secret relationship with someone familiar to your friends and family, this is a great way to keep it secret. If no one knows him, it is also a great way to keep it secret.

How? If you use his government name and a friend sees it or notices that you receive multiple notifications from him, they begin to suspect. 

If you also use “Babe” with the love emoji, revolving heart emoji, love-struck emoji, and pregnancy emoji, you are in deeper shit because what if someone sees it. Best to avoid this by using “Work” as his contact ID for the time been.

11. Use passwords 

Use passwords

Let’s all agree, family and friends can be so intrusive. They do not understand the concept of boundaries. So instead, they do is break multiple boundaries—as many as possible even. They can go through your gallery or messages and boom your secret is out. Not to worry, here is what to do.

Use passwords. Technology has given different ways, pins, passwords, fingerprints, patterns, face ID, retina display, you name it. Depending on how nosy your family and friends can be. Keep your phone security tight.

12. Talk about him less

I understand that he is amazing and he is so sweet and you love him and you want to go to Mount Kilimanjaro to scream about how amazing your boyfriend is, but try not to. If you talk about him all the time and mention his name in every conversation. Your friends will read right through you. So, talk about him less.

The only time you should mention his name or talk about him is when someone brings up his name. If not, keep it to yourself. Swallow your gifts and conversations about him unless you are about to reveal the relationship.

13. Don’t hang out in public places

If you hang out in public places like the park, the mall, the movies, somebody will see both of you and tell ‘someone that knows someone that knows the both of you’.

So think of dates at a private beach, private resort, his house, your house, his car, your car, a road trip. Just think of fun ways to hang out that is not in the public eye. You both are celebrities, and your family is the paparazzi.

14. Avoid public display of affection

I understand that you are into each other, I also know that the sex is great right now and you both cannot keep your hands off of each other because you are both in the honeymoon phase. But can you do all that only when you are together, please?

If you don’t want someone to see you and take a picture, avoid public displays of affection. As little as holding hands in public can expose both of you, so do the right thing.

15. Avoid getting drunk

You have heard that a dead man tells no tales. Well, a drunk man tells all tales. If you know you are a light drinker, avoid getting drunk when you go out with friends to avoid spilling all the tea on your “secret relationship”

So, take the drinks little by little on a girl’s night out and be on guard. Try not to spill too much or even spill anything at all. Remember that once it comes out, you can no longer salvage the secrecy again.

16. Make good excuses

Have good excuses for when you cannot make it to events with your friends because you have a date with your secret partner. Always have a really good explanation. It is important.

If your explanation for going missing in action is not genuine enough on three consecutive times, then your friends begin to connect the dots. Women are not stupid, and you know this, so be wise.

17. Don’t act suspicious

Don’t look like you have a secret to hide. Fumbling and stuttering will make you look suspicious and immediately translate to people that you are lying. Instead, breathe, don’t look tense. Pretend to laugh to buy more time for a great excuse then finally respond in a calm voice.

A tip to keep in mind when confronted about looking suspicious is to respond with a question. So instead of fumbling, reply with a question. Say things like “What do I have to hide?” Or “What do you mean?” 

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FAQs

What does a secret relationship mean?

A secret relationship means that you are intimate with a guy and it’s known to just the two of you. So you remain in your relationship bubble and feel like the only two in the world. 

Is it OK to have a secret relationship?

A secret relationship can be fun if both parties agree and adhere to the terms and conditions. It is okay to have a secret relationship if there is a mutual benefit to the secrecy status. Just ensure that it is what you want and you are not falling for the trap of a selfish partner.

How do you deal with a secret relationship?

There are various ways to deal with a secret relationship. But the most important is ensuring that it’s not one-sided. If you are the one suggesting the secret relationship, ensure that your partner is okay with it and will like to go ahead. If your partner is the one suggesting it, ensure that it is mutually beneficial to both of you and not convenient for him alone. If it makes you genuinely happy at all times, not 2 out of 10 times, all the time, then go for it. If not, take it as a hint that it is not what you want.

Why do guys hide their girlfriends?

Guys hide their girlfriends for two major reasons. It is one of two things. He will keep it secret because he has other women in his life and wants to continue two-timing or he likes the romance, intimacy, and the bubble of just the both of you. He will like to keep the relationship that way and within a mutual time frame of course.

How do you test a guy to see if he really loves you?

Actions are the greatest way to test if a guy loves you. If you want to know the extent to which a man loves you, assess his actions. Is he saying the right things and doing the wrong things? Is he intentional with his actions about you? Dwell more on his actions, not his intentions or what he says. This is the most efficient way to know if a man really loves you.

The Bottom Line

I hope you enjoyed the article as much as I enjoyed writing it. Remember that a secret relationship should be what couples want. Go for it, don’t share your secrets. Rather, enjoy your little bubble and follow my tips. Remember, secrets are there to be kept.

If not, flee! It won’t change him, he will string you along and dump you and you won’t be able to share your heartbreak with your friends and family. This is because nobody knew you were dating him in the first place. Let me know what you think of the article in the comments below, and kindly share this article if you liked it.

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Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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