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Outercourse (11 Important Things To Know)

by Sonya Schwartz

About three decades ago, people weren’t talking about terms like outercourse. If a person wanted to have sexual relations, they went all the way. However, because of some issues like pregnancy, infections, and even incurable viruses, some people find it easier to stimulate their partners with alternative acts. 

Apart from the fear of pregnancy or more extreme consequences of sexual intercourse, some women simply choose manual stimulation through hand jobs, blow jobs, masturbation, and more because of the pleasure of it. Not everyone achieves orgasm through penetration, so the stimulation of other body parts would give them more sexual pleasure. 

Even though people engage in this act called outercourse for various reasons, safe sexual pleasure probably should be the most important. While some prefer abstinence or the use of condoms to prevent pregnancy, or sexually transmitted infections, for another group of people outercourse is a reasonable choice.

Outercourse, in simple terms, is when boundaries are put up during the course of sexual activity to prevent intercourse. It doesn’t rule out the sexual activity, but the act(s) are carried out without penetration. The term outercourse may be new to you, and this is why I have curated in this article 11 things you should know about outercourse and how to enjoy this sexual activity.

11 Things To Know About This Sexual Activity

1. It Is Not Foreplay

Every day, we see and learn just how broad and distinctive discussing this topic can be. For instance, I have seen cases in which the terms intercourse and sex are used interchangeably when, in reality, they mean different things. Similarly, it is not uncommon to hear people refer to outercourse as foreplay. 

Many people think of outercourse as prolonged foreplay, vaginal, oral, or penile stimulation in preparation for vaginal penetration or anal sex as the case may be. However, on the contrary, outercourse is different from foreplay. With outercourse, there is no main event - everything starts and ends as outercourse. 

So, I guess you can say, outercourse is in itself the main event. After all, penetration is an option and not the definition of sexual activity.

2. It Is Gender-Fluid

it is gender-fluid

Many straight people look at sexual experiences in a myopic way. They view it as intercourse between a man and a woman, which must involve the penis and vagina. 

Some gay men struggle here too, because they believe sex has to involve some sort of penetration, and all these contribute to why people will continue to question if lesbian sex can be considered as sexual activity without penetration.

In reality, everyone can be a participant with outercourse, whether you are lesbian, gay, straight, or bisexual. It is all about mutually creating sexual sensations with each other by using sex toys, or other methods to stimulate various body parts. 

3. It Can Be An Alternative To Intercourse

Remember when we were teenagers struggling to understand our bodies and raging hormones? One thing is for sure; many of us took it slow when it came to exploring sexual pleasure. We were okay with kissing, fingering, and maybe dry humping so long as it did not involve penetration. 

For the most part, most partners considered penetration as the cherry on top. Some others didn’t care about the consequences of indulging early, but others preferred safer methods to prevent certain consequences. The feeling and pleasure gotten from such activities that don’t involve penetration are exactly what outercourse offers. 

Outercourse serves many purposes, it helps ladies who are not on birth control prevent pregnancy, helps partners prevent sexually transmitted diseases, and also helps couples who either find it hard or painful to indulge in intercourse too frequently. Some couples use outercourse to build up the sexual intensity for a big day like a wedding

For instance, if you and your boyfriend are trying to abstain from sex until your wedding, you may choose to opt for outercourse as an alternative while you save vaginal sex for the big day. That way, you don’t feel sexually starved, but you still enjoy the perks of waiting.

4. Everyone’s Boundary Is Different

everyone's boundary is different

Just as intercourse refers to many activities from vaginal sex to anal and oral sex, outercourse also has a spectrum of its own. Some people’s understanding of outercourse limits them to just kissing and caressing each other’s body parts while dressed. Others will define it to include kissing, massages, mutual masturbation, and the use of sex toys. 

There are also the set of people who do everything sexual except penis and vaginal penetration but including BDSM and anal sex. 

Irrespective of what your definition means, it’s important that you and your partner have clear-cut boundaries that must be respected at all times. Talk about what you would prefer beforehand, and keep in mind that oral sex and anal can still spread sexually transmitted diseases if that’s the reason you’re trying abstinence or outercourse. 

 Also, if you want ‘more’ but your partner doesn’t it’s equally important to talk about that beforehand. Don’t suggest an outercourse then demand more in the middle of the experience. 

5. Outercourse Promotes Emotional Intimacy

Once again, let’s dive back into our teenage years. Do you remember feeling ecstatic and oddly satisfied with whatever level of action you were getting from a past boyfriend?. Was it more about the passion than the action? If so, when you kissed, did you feel closer and more in love with him? 

When you think about these feelings, it is enough for anyone to stop and wonder why you want to give it all up for seven minutes of intercourse. As you now know, outercourse involves understanding you and your partner’s desire, so it is easy for couples who engage in it to connect more emotionally and bond better.

6. Communication Is Key

It is easy for people to undermine the importance of communication during outercourse or intercourse. People believe they know how it works, and sexual intercourse is just as simple as inserting a penis in a vagina, but we all know there’s more to it. 

Sex should always involve communication irrespective of how long you have been with your partner or how good you believe you are in bed. Communication here does not have to be verbal. It could be non-verbal such as listening to your partner’s reactions and moans. 

Remember, outercourse is all about generating pleasure for you, and communication is the only way to ensure you meet each other’s needs. Ask questions and talk about it before and after so you’re both sure you’re not doing something wrong.

7. It Is Not Risk-Free

it is not risk-free

When it comes to the question of how risk-free outercourse is, the answer can be quite contradictory as it all depends on your chosen boundaries and carefulness. Agreeably, you stand a lesser chance of contracting sexually transmitted diseases from outercourse than intercourse. 

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However, that will all depend on what form of outercourse you are engaging in. For instance, if you limit yourself to just touching and kissing with no genital fluids released, you are risk-free. 

However, the minute genital fluid is involved, then you stand a chance to contract STD’s because the mucosal tissue found in the mouth, vagina, and anus can expose you to any STD your partner may have. The good news is, you can use protections like condoms and dental dams to eliminate these risks and maintain a healthy outercourse experience.

8. You Can Still Get Pregnant

Don’t allow anyone to tell you otherwise; you stand the risk of pregnancy from outercourse if you do not use precaution or engage in activities that lead to the release of sperm cells close to your vagina. 

Remember, it only takes one sperm cell to fertilize an egg. So, if you want to avoid pregnancy, ensure you use contraception or do not allow sperm cells to come in contact with your outer labia. These cells can make their way inside the vagina and swim up and fertilize an egg.

When having outercourse as an alternative to abstinence and intercourse, ensure that you and your partner don’t exchange body fluids. If you find it impossible to be careful, consider using condoms as a protective barrier.

9. It Is Just As Pleasurable As Intercourse

Outercourse is just as satisfying as penetrative sex. It is like eating the whole cake without the cherry, and let’s be honest, who needs the cherry when the cake is delicious. This shows that penetrative sex is a choice, and it is possible for couples to enjoy and receive satisfaction from only outercourse. 

Sex experts say that ladies are more likely to experience orgasm when they focus on the sensations of sex, meaning many women do not need penetration to climax. Outercourse stimulates them more, and they are more likely to orgasm in the course of such sexual activities.

Kissing, dry humping, and experimenting with sex toys can provide you with just as much pleasure. All it takes is understanding your body and obliging its requests. 

10. It Is A Fun Way To Spice Things Up In The Bedroom

it is a fun way to spice things up in the bedroom

The unfortunate thing in many adult relationships is that we see sexual relations as a goal-oriented activity. As such, we tend to focus too hard on getting an orgasm, and we forget to enjoy the pleasures that lead up to it. It is unfortunate that when any sexual activity is treated as a goal, its activities become a bore. 

It is the same pattern, same style, and most likely the same result. So, if you are seeking ways to spice up your sex life, consider taking up outercourse. It allows you and your partner to explore each other sexually without penetration. You can focus on how you feel and not what to gain.

11. There Are No Side Effects

Safe sex has become a household term that every responsible adult considers before engaging in sexual intimacy. Thankfully, we have many options to pick from when it comes to this, and they include abstinence (oral sex, hand jobs, or no sex at all), use of contraception, and outercourse. 

Outercourse remains one of the safest ways to enjoy sexual pleasures. The challenges and shortcomings of other contraceptives are eliminated with outercourse. For instance, many women complain of hormonal imbalance when taking pills or using IUDs for birth control. However, this is not a challenge with outercourse as there is no hormonal or medical side effect. 

Of course, there are still some boundaries partners need to set to avoid any ‘mistakes’ that would lead to pregnancy, STD’s and the likes. 

The Bottom Line

Outercourse remains one of the safest ways to have sex while promoting emotional intimacy between you and your partner. However, if in the course of any of the activities, you want more, it’s best to talk about it with your partner first. 

I hope you enjoyed reading this article and found it insightful as the points here should give you an overall view into what outercourse is all about. As usual, I look forward to reading from you in the comment section and don’t forget to share this article.

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Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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